It is often said, live in your present; forget your past and don't peep in to future. Until recently, I was of the same opinion but I also know past teaches you a lot more than any teacher or school or college. When we are living a moment we are unable to decode it to distinguish right from wrong. But once it reaches those pages in the past and when we dig through them at least for minutes the truth starts floating in front of us. Now it is up to us if to accept them or ignore them, but truth reveals by itself. Do not live in your past but live enough to learn from it.
Now if we are given a chance to rewind our lives and go back to our past, then what would we do? Where do we exactly land? In our worst days to set things right or best days just to re-live those happy moments? Today when I was having some discussion with my sister, I realized my life would have been a different story had I taken the right steps at the right time. And now, the damage is too irreversible. But if I get a chance to go back, I wouldn't go there to clear the slate (scared of the butterfly effect). I would happily jump in to my best moment and definitely, re-live it. Because I know now I-am-an-adult life is way too boring and damaged. What I would like is to still be able to dance in the bus (Yeah I did on my way to Goa from Udupi and I was three) or play hide and seek and get lost (I hid so far away I lost my way back home) or just want to curl up against dad and listen to his childhood stories (which for some reason I can't do now) or feel special when every relative of mine would pamper me (now it is my turn to pamper other kids and I am jealous). This list definitely goes on...
|I did this !!!|
Here I am, in this empty room going through some pictures, analyzing my worst decisions, cribbing over my present, being scared of my future. But what is yet holding me strong is my experience. My mistakes, my gut which fought them, my bucket full of tears, my hard phase of life, my shattered dreams, my not achieved ambitions, my one more bucket full of tears - makes me what I am today. Hence, I do not want anything to change. I want those harsh days to be still there, my mistakes to be still there so that I will always be thankful for what I have got today and for what I am today. If I could really go back in my past, I will just enjoy my childhood once again (I miss writing exams and writing in copy books) and do not erase or correct my past. Because that past defines my present and no matter how badly it might suck, I am still too proud of it.
What would you do if you get an opportunity to back in your past??? Let me know...