Wednesday, March 23, 2016

The definition

After getting a complete zero from my mom for my last post (which was about pregnancy), I dare not write again, I thought to myself. But, I feel pleasure when I challenge my mom's ideologies and principles, and show her the newer version of reality forcing her to accept the present era. I know that's never going to happen. If my mom thinks oranges are blue and sky is orange, then that's what she will stand for till her last breath. She won't give up, and so do I. Hence, this post is dedicated to my mother from her rebellious daughter hoping to score one more zero, and also, hoping that some day she will agree to agree with me!!!!

We call it the "generation gap", but I say we need a revised dictionary!!! Of course, Indians have their own dictionary (mostly, mental), and most of the time it makes no sense to me. I strongly believe that this dictionary needs to be revised once in every ten years, to make the life of younger generations more easy (some time soon in the future, my daughter or son is going to throw this statement on my face and rub it all over). Anyways, right now it's my turn!!!

Now let's see the definition of wife as per my mom's dictionary -

"Wife is defined as a WOMAN, who is born to keep everybody happy. She is a/an polite, well-mannered, culturally acceptable, religious, excellent cook, devoted, hard working, and sincere individual. She treats her parents, husband and in-laws equal to god, and hence, services them without anything in response. She doesn't wear modern clothes, and always inclined towards instilling good manners and culture to her children. She sacrifices and compromises and never argues with anybody. She feels blessed all the time for no apparent reason."


We (my generation) defines wife as -

"Wife is a woman, who is married to a man, and is equal to her husband in all domains. She can be polite, if treated with respect. She can be a good cook if her mood permits.She respects her elders, but doesn't allow herself to be treated like a slave. Her clothing, her viewpoints (religious, political) are her own. She doesn't believe in sacrificing or compromising. She feels blessed if there is a reason to feel so."

Definition of wife as per my grandmother -

"Wife is a woman, who is a slave to her husband, and "baby producing" machine. She is dumb and has no take in any family matters."

Definition of wife by future generation (my children or grandchildren) -

"Wife can be a man or a woman!!!"

Can you see how the definition has evolved over time. My mom strongly believed that my grandmother's views were beyond acceptable. My grandma rejected the idea of husband and wife going together for a movie. My mom rejected the idea of me and my boy friend going out for a movie. So, the definition needed to be revised, the norms were supposed to be updated. But, nope!!! Windows came up with newer and newer versions making the desktop look different every time, but we are still stuck with our older definitions.

"Never answer back to your elders, because it's a sin" and my husband politely asked me, what makes you think that elders are always right? He had a point, and a valid one!!! We never question, and accept whatever they say and live by their definition of a "perfect life". Can we redefine it to suit our way of living, and never ever regret for the choices we make. Ultimately, it's "OUR" life, and "WE" are responsible. 

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Life at 30!!!


The Indian stereotypical society planned my goal plan the day I was born. Of course, all were sad. I broke the stereotype long before my mom went in to labor. I was born at 5 am and before the sun could really shine, I was the talk of the hospital. We all know, how much the old ladies, (and some young ones, and some gents) love male children. If you ask me, 1986 was a year of crisis. Female children were popping out every other second, and Indians were worried as to who would finally cremate them - "meri aag ko chita kaun dega"? The night of October 10th, saw some light, when five boys were born in a span of 6 hours, along with this tiny female whom nobody cared. So proud - I am her!!! Early morning when my father heard about the miracle birth of 5 male children, he wished to have one (or at least steal one). That morning, he left the hospital without even looking at the face of his first newborn. Eventually, he realized, his daughter was no less than a son, and breaking the stereotype was her birth right!!!

To all my friends, who are not Indians, let me brief you about the plan created by this wonderful society (especially girls) -

18 years - 12th grade
22 years - Engineering or Medical
23 years - Marriage
23 years 9 months - first child
25 years 3 months - second child
28 years - kids go to school, women start working (after sacrificing 6 years)
30 years - House (of course bought by the husband!!! How can we, women???)
till 50 years - kids education, kids work, kids marriage, satisfy husband (primary goal!!!)
50 years 9 months - first grandchild
58 years - retirement
58 years 1 day - live with the children
60 years - hospitals
70 years - long wait till death takes us away and puts us out of our misery!!!

When I reached the 18 milestone, I pledged to create havoc and I am successful so far.

The misery of life is, when you are 25 years old, everybody around you (girls) are married. If your old friend calls you, then you know, by her giggles, that she is getting married to a bald guy with lots of money. Weren't you the hottie in the school???

The misery doesn't stop there. When you reach the 30 milestone, everybody around you is pregnant or already a parent. This is so extreme that you start wondering, what wrong am I am doing in my life? When you are feeling pathetic, people become sympathetic towards you.

"I am sorry. How come you still don't have a child? It's been 3 years of marriage"

Like, I need you to remind me!!!!

And some start scaring you,

"How come you still don't have a child? Don't you know the after effects? Don't you know 30 is the mark, if you cross it, it's dangerous?"

Ah, now the doctor is speaking!!! Din't you fail in 12th grade, hence got married early???

And some start making conclusions,

"You women these days, always on pills!!!"

Yeah, I am on pills for vitamin D, B 12, Iron. Sorry to disappoint you, it's not what you are thinking

And if it's not the pills, you have some problem,

"Why don't you consult a doctor? or tarot card reader? or a magician? Who knows he might bring a baby out of your womb!!!"

Can I slap you woman???

Amid all these my-nose-is-always-in-your-business kind of people, there are some genuinely concerned people. But, by the end after tackling all these nonsense, it's natural to explode!!!

Why is the timeline? Why can't we have a woman who wants to get married late, have kids late and focus on something different. Maybe she just wants to enjoy her life, maybe she wants to grow professionally, maybe she is not ready for responsibilities.That reminds me about the golden line, "You are never ready, you just need to take the plunge." I will take your advice, when I join swimming classes.

Can we for once break the stereotypes, and let people be??? A grown up, educated woman will definitely know what's best for her, and ultimately it's her life and she can do what pleases her. isn't it??

If you think this is torture, stop there, and ask a woman who CHOOSES not to have kids, ever!!!
If my lovely grandma was alive, she would definitely say, "that witch will rot in hell!!!"

Somebody save the planet!!!