Wednesday, March 23, 2016

The definition

After getting a complete zero from my mom for my last post (which was about pregnancy), I dare not write again, I thought to myself. But, I feel pleasure when I challenge my mom's ideologies and principles, and show her the newer version of reality forcing her to accept the present era. I know that's never going to happen. If my mom thinks oranges are blue and sky is orange, then that's what she will stand for till her last breath. She won't give up, and so do I. Hence, this post is dedicated to my mother from her rebellious daughter hoping to score one more zero, and also, hoping that some day she will agree to agree with me!!!!

We call it the "generation gap", but I say we need a revised dictionary!!! Of course, Indians have their own dictionary (mostly, mental), and most of the time it makes no sense to me. I strongly believe that this dictionary needs to be revised once in every ten years, to make the life of younger generations more easy (some time soon in the future, my daughter or son is going to throw this statement on my face and rub it all over). Anyways, right now it's my turn!!!

Now let's see the definition of wife as per my mom's dictionary -

"Wife is defined as a WOMAN, who is born to keep everybody happy. She is a/an polite, well-mannered, culturally acceptable, religious, excellent cook, devoted, hard working, and sincere individual. She treats her parents, husband and in-laws equal to god, and hence, services them without anything in response. She doesn't wear modern clothes, and always inclined towards instilling good manners and culture to her children. She sacrifices and compromises and never argues with anybody. She feels blessed all the time for no apparent reason."


We (my generation) defines wife as -

"Wife is a woman, who is married to a man, and is equal to her husband in all domains. She can be polite, if treated with respect. She can be a good cook if her mood permits.She respects her elders, but doesn't allow herself to be treated like a slave. Her clothing, her viewpoints (religious, political) are her own. She doesn't believe in sacrificing or compromising. She feels blessed if there is a reason to feel so."

Definition of wife as per my grandmother -

"Wife is a woman, who is a slave to her husband, and "baby producing" machine. She is dumb and has no take in any family matters."

Definition of wife by future generation (my children or grandchildren) -

"Wife can be a man or a woman!!!"

Can you see how the definition has evolved over time. My mom strongly believed that my grandmother's views were beyond acceptable. My grandma rejected the idea of husband and wife going together for a movie. My mom rejected the idea of me and my boy friend going out for a movie. So, the definition needed to be revised, the norms were supposed to be updated. But, nope!!! Windows came up with newer and newer versions making the desktop look different every time, but we are still stuck with our older definitions.

"Never answer back to your elders, because it's a sin" and my husband politely asked me, what makes you think that elders are always right? He had a point, and a valid one!!! We never question, and accept whatever they say and live by their definition of a "perfect life". Can we redefine it to suit our way of living, and never ever regret for the choices we make. Ultimately, it's "OUR" life, and "WE" are responsible. 

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Life at 30!!!


The Indian stereotypical society planned my goal plan the day I was born. Of course, all were sad. I broke the stereotype long before my mom went in to labor. I was born at 5 am and before the sun could really shine, I was the talk of the hospital. We all know, how much the old ladies, (and some young ones, and some gents) love male children. If you ask me, 1986 was a year of crisis. Female children were popping out every other second, and Indians were worried as to who would finally cremate them - "meri aag ko chita kaun dega"? The night of October 10th, saw some light, when five boys were born in a span of 6 hours, along with this tiny female whom nobody cared. So proud - I am her!!! Early morning when my father heard about the miracle birth of 5 male children, he wished to have one (or at least steal one). That morning, he left the hospital without even looking at the face of his first newborn. Eventually, he realized, his daughter was no less than a son, and breaking the stereotype was her birth right!!!

To all my friends, who are not Indians, let me brief you about the plan created by this wonderful society (especially girls) -

18 years - 12th grade
22 years - Engineering or Medical
23 years - Marriage
23 years 9 months - first child
25 years 3 months - second child
28 years - kids go to school, women start working (after sacrificing 6 years)
30 years - House (of course bought by the husband!!! How can we, women???)
till 50 years - kids education, kids work, kids marriage, satisfy husband (primary goal!!!)
50 years 9 months - first grandchild
58 years - retirement
58 years 1 day - live with the children
60 years - hospitals
70 years - long wait till death takes us away and puts us out of our misery!!!

When I reached the 18 milestone, I pledged to create havoc and I am successful so far.

The misery of life is, when you are 25 years old, everybody around you (girls) are married. If your old friend calls you, then you know, by her giggles, that she is getting married to a bald guy with lots of money. Weren't you the hottie in the school???

The misery doesn't stop there. When you reach the 30 milestone, everybody around you is pregnant or already a parent. This is so extreme that you start wondering, what wrong am I am doing in my life? When you are feeling pathetic, people become sympathetic towards you.

"I am sorry. How come you still don't have a child? It's been 3 years of marriage"

Like, I need you to remind me!!!!

And some start scaring you,

"How come you still don't have a child? Don't you know the after effects? Don't you know 30 is the mark, if you cross it, it's dangerous?"

Ah, now the doctor is speaking!!! Din't you fail in 12th grade, hence got married early???

And some start making conclusions,

"You women these days, always on pills!!!"

Yeah, I am on pills for vitamin D, B 12, Iron. Sorry to disappoint you, it's not what you are thinking

And if it's not the pills, you have some problem,

"Why don't you consult a doctor? or tarot card reader? or a magician? Who knows he might bring a baby out of your womb!!!"

Can I slap you woman???

Amid all these my-nose-is-always-in-your-business kind of people, there are some genuinely concerned people. But, by the end after tackling all these nonsense, it's natural to explode!!!

Why is the timeline? Why can't we have a woman who wants to get married late, have kids late and focus on something different. Maybe she just wants to enjoy her life, maybe she wants to grow professionally, maybe she is not ready for responsibilities.That reminds me about the golden line, "You are never ready, you just need to take the plunge." I will take your advice, when I join swimming classes.

Can we for once break the stereotypes, and let people be??? A grown up, educated woman will definitely know what's best for her, and ultimately it's her life and she can do what pleases her. isn't it??

If you think this is torture, stop there, and ask a woman who CHOOSES not to have kids, ever!!!
If my lovely grandma was alive, she would definitely say, "that witch will rot in hell!!!"

Somebody save the planet!!!

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Last few words

I stood there wondering how it would have been different
if he did not do what he did
I stood there gazing at the sky; oozing out the pain
I buried all this while, in dark red
I saw the face again, it wasn't him
The man I ran behind when he took on the road
I had no clue to what he looked now
but the image of a shattered past, dissolved
That corner in my heart, yelped in pain
which I had comforted, to see a happy spot
"I wish" "I wish" my heart screamed aloud
but my tears didn't wish to flow out
Every moment was a torture; happy, or sad
every moment made me go wobbling across
Can I meet him one more time and say,
I forgive your sins, to forget my own loss

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Let this Valentine's day be DIFFERENT!!!!

I hardly knew this game. Spent all my teenage-phase without having to shoot anybody or color anybody even during holi. I hated the concept. Shooting with colors!!!! I wondered, how ridiculous would that be???

And there comes my husband, one day, knocking our bedroom door, at the top of his voice screaming, "WE ARE GOING TO OPEN A PAINTBALL ARENA IN MANGALORE"

What the @#$*&!!!!

After almost two weeks since it's kick start, I got an opportunity to visit the arena with my husband and a few friends. I was extremely skeptical about playing, and getting my hands dirty with blood (colors, I mean). So, like a loner, I stood beyond the fence and watched them play and kill each other and then refill the guns and play some more. To be honest, at that instance, I didn't care about the colors or paint, I wanted to go there and shoot some people and make my husband's team win. I was quizzical about their moves and how they should have ideally strategized their game. I so much wanted to be there, in those sexy gear, with a gun in my hand and a mask on my face. I know, I would have looked sexy even with these extra pounds hanging down my belly.

The day passed and the month. I left India and came back to my den, but the thought of me on that field lingered.

Now that Valentine's day is around, I really wish I was in Mangalore fighting my husband on the paintball battle field. The roses and hearts are cliched.

Nowadays, we want something different and not-boring. So, here are my five reasons as to why you should be on a paintball field with your Valentine this Valentine's day -

1. Women like to be treated like princesses, no doubt, but once in a while we also like to kick your ass. Instead of going through the same old Valentine's routine of flowers, chocolates, cards and hearts, go to a paintball arena and do something exciting. Discover the passion, again!!!

2. As a couple you are always on the same side but try to be on opposite sides for a change and see who has got more muscle. Want to vent out the anger of your last fight??? Battle it out and see how amazing that feels.

3. And when you are trying to shoot each other, why don't you break some rules and hug each other and get back to the game again. There is nothing more romantic than being adventurous. Be cautious of the referee though!!!

4. This Valentine's, keep your sexy clothes home and try out the rugged look. The camouflage, gear, mask and the super sexy guns, will up your hotness quotient and trust me, you wouldn't want to take your eyes off your partner. Don't drool for long, as you will be left with little time to play the game!!!

5. Finally, we shouldn't forget the adrenaline rush a game like this would give you. Couple or not, a kick is something we all desire.

After the tiring game, end your not-so-romantic Valentine's day with a delicious ice cream (go to Pabbas) and watch a romantic movie (in city center, maybe).

Spend a day which you and your love will always remember.

Isn't this enough for you guys to go to the paintball field in Mangalore and have some fun???

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