Tuesday, January 20, 2015

What do I call him now????

Top post on IndiBlogger.in, the community of Indian Bloggers




I have a question and I believe it is very much valid. However, my mom will definitely get a mild heart attack after reading this post. Speaking of mom, now a days she has become very secretive with me with a fear of me writing everything on my blog. She has strictly instructed my dad not to speak about anything which would cause me any harm, for example, Taliban shoots me like Malala. Yeah, I let her live in the fantasy of her daughter being a famous blogger having thousands of readers!!! 

Coming back to the topic, here is my question - "why can't women call their husband as "husband" "pati" "ganda गंडा  (in Kannada)" ????". 

As per our age old tradition, husbands were treated equal to god and often tagged as Pati Parameshwar. Time changed and nobody referred to their husbands as Parameshwar but were still forced to use some vague calling names like eji, oji, sunte ho, and some funny ones like pappu ke papaji, guddi ke chachaji, to andre (in Kannada.. don't ask me what that means, I have no clue!!!). Then the modern breeze hits the town making couples call each other by names, and some pet names like Shash for Shashank, Shush for Shushant etc etc which was also accompanied by Darling, sweetheart, honey, janu out in the open making our elders eyeball pop out of its socket. 


After my marriage, paying utmost respect to my parents, I called my husband by name which in fact was opposed and criticized by my family. Statements like "how can she call her husband by name? So what happened if they are of the same age? Doesn't she know husbands are always to be respected and calling him by his name is insulting the relationship they share?". Honestly, I ignored these statements, but when I couldn't my husband come in to my rescue, announcing, he will never respond to me if I don't call him by his name. Storm abated!!!


The already intense situation intensified when I called him "Ganda" which means husband in Kannada. I respect my parents the most and when I can call them "appa" and "amma" and in fact when we address every relationship in this manner I couldn't understand the problem in calling him "ganda". My parents were utterly worried, they might as well have questioned their upbringing. Mother told me strictly not to address him as "ganda" in front of our family members and in-laws. I abided!!!


Still I can't wonder why I can't call him "ganda" -

1. I am not calling him by his name
2. When I call my dad "Appa" it is paying him respect, then how calling "ganda" becomes disrespectful?
3. Most importantly, my husband doesn't have issues with it and he finds it rather cute


Does anybody have any opinion about this ??? We can call our husbands by name or darling or sweetheart or any kinship words, but not as "husband" "ganda" etc. I still do not understand the moral obligations, if anybody has any better answer please do share... 

P.S - All images are downloaded from various sources via google. Don't sue me!!!