Discovering MYSELF!!!!!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Broken!!!

He said "if you love me then why these boundaries. It is nature's law to love emotionally and physically. Then why hide behind the unseen walls of culture and traditions. Just let yourself free and feel love"

She never understood him; his values, opinions and mindset which was way above her world. But that evening when he asked her to be his forever, breaking her value system, she let herself to be his bait. For her it was all in the name of love and what he hid beneath his innocent face was something her innocent mind couldn't decipher. At least not then!!!

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Four years later, she looked beautiful as a bride. Her red Kanjeevaram sari looked so elegant that her future husband by minutes, couldn't take his eyes off her. Nobody could. But her eyes told a different tale altogether. She wasn't marrying the man she was in love with few years earlier and her eyes couldn't hide the loathe she carried for him. After having sex with her for few years, he disappeared in to thin air. She waited for him and hoped rather convinced herself he wasn't a cheat. After all it was first love and true one, indeed.

Sadly, he never came back for her and she was forced in to marrying a man whom she never loved!!!

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Her marriage was an event which everybody spoke about in her town. Lavish and extravagant!!! But nothing seemed to make her happy. A lost soul abiding the rules of society couldn't ask for more, is what she thought. She needed a husband; ten years elder to her, orthodox and completely different in mentality was even manageable. But needed a husband desperately for her family and society. With a fake smile and a sad heart, she was married and bade farewell to her parents.

"Finally, at the age of 36 I am going to get some sex" he thought

"Oh god! I don't want him touch me" she thought

But of course in this unspoken war, he won!!!

The next day morning he didn't seem comfortable at all. The white linen cloth had no stains and this bothered him. "Why didn't she bleed?", "was she in to sports?", "she is not a virgin?", "is it possible for women to not bleed?", "why didn't it hurt her bad considering this was her first time?" questions were hammering his not-so-useful brain. He wanted to ask her directly but he couldn't. After she woke up unable to control his emotions he blurted out all the thoughts in words at once.

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"I am sorry. But I never wanted to hide it from you but couldn't jeopardize the marriage. I am not a virgin. I was in love with a man who didn't deserve it. He coaxed me in to having sex with him and I was so much blindly in love, I agreed. I slept with him whenever he felt horny and was dumped as a trash finally when done. I loved him no doubt and he used me. That's all I can say. But trust me, I never did for the mere pleasure of it. I did it because I thought nothing meant more to me than his happiness. I am no slut. I hope you understand"

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Her husband felt disgusted from inside. He had saved himself all his life for the special one and now he had got himself a second hand product. "How could she sleep with another man? And how dare she agree to her sinful act in front of me" he wondered. "Everybody has to be informed and there is no escape. She is filthy, whore and god knows with how many more men she has slept with. I can't take this woman in my life" his heart cried out loud. Without thinking twice, he dragged her out of his room and stripped her naked in front of his entire family. She felt humiliated, embarrassed and cursed herself for letting herself loose. She thought she deserved every inch of hell he dug. She slowly walked inside it, losing her femininity, her womanhood, herself.

All that remained was a broken hymen!!!

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This post is written as a part of IndiBlogger contest in association with Poonaam Uppal's True Love - A Mystical True Love Story on Flipkart.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

safety begins with US!!!

The same old story unfolds and makes it to the headlines :

"In a road accident five persons were injured, two of them seriously, when the Van they were travelling in rolled down into a gorge in Lag valley of Kullu district on Thursday morning. All injured were rushed to Kullu hospital for treatment."

"A CTU bus crushed a cyclist and injured three others included a scooter rider woman in a road accident at Kala Gram Light point on Madhya Marg on Tuesday. The bus driver escaped from the spot. The accident triggered around 1km long traffic jam."

"Five persons included three engineering students and an NRI couple killed and over two dozen others injured in a road accident between HImachal roadways Volvo and one Swift at the light point sector 45/46 on late Friday night. Injured were included an one-year old daughter of NRI couple from UK, England."

"A major road accident at Periyapatna in Mysore district claims nine lives including that of three children. Accident involved a tempo traveller and a lorry."

These headlines makes me stay miles away from newspapers. It ignites an unbearable pain in my gut; I feel their pain. The pain of losing somebody, the pain of losing body part or the pain of living in a paralysed state for life. Being a speech, language pathologist and audiologist, RTA (Road Traffic Accident) patients are common to me.

True RTA incidents of my patients (won't disclose their names) -

As usual she was riding her Honda activa to work. She was 43 years old living a middle class life with husband and her two kids. A Maruti swift over took her Activa only to immediately brake in front of her. She lost her balance and fell down. No external injuries other than few scratches here and there. She got up only to feel dizzy and began vomiting and fell down again. She had internal brain damage due to the fall and when she woke up in the hospital she could hardly understand anybody or talk. I didn't know how to counsel her husband who was left with two children and a wife whose recovery chances seemed less than his high hopes. For the many years to come, she requires therapy and constant medical attention. It is not about money or time but about the emotions. He had lost his wife (even though she was alive) to the stupidity of a car driver.

A north Indian male married to a very beautiful south Indian female. Seven years of love and four years of marriage, life seemed no less for this couple. They had to go through their share of hurdles to convince their parents for an inter-caste/inter-state marriage. However, groom's family never agreed and without their blessings these two got married. They had a beautiful baby girl of two years. When I saw him, he was bedridden, with multiple fractures, no speech, no communication and it wouldn't be wrong if I say he was no more than a vegetable. One more RTA and this time it not only hit him but also their dreams and shattered them. I never saw his wife cry though (which is very common) and she always smiled and encouraged him. Little did she know that the prognosis was very poor. All I could do was boost her hopes and tell to hang in there. With so much pain in my heart I have cursed that driver who hit this man so badly and did not even stop to get him to a hospital.

This is my life. And now I just don't feel like working in any hospitals. It is filled with pain, sorrow, grief and everything that is going wrong in the society. I can't even share my heavy heart with my husband as it makes him sad as well. So here I am pouring my heart out when given an opportunity.

Watch this video before reading further and decide if your rash driving is worth it!!! Not an Indian made video but sends across a beautiful message. Show you Little finger to all those who break traffic rules and tell them how small they are!!!!

Now if you are convinced let's proceed further

To avoid these accidents and breaking every bone, every dream, every heart, I feel we should follow these simple measures (nothing that we don't know) -

1. Avoid over speeding

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2. Be careful while changing lanes and do indicate

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3. Before taking turns, make sure you are in the right lane

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4. Driving is not a competition, so don't overtake unnecessarily

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5. Wear your seat belts while driving and helmets while riding

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6. Do not drink and drive

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7. Follow the traffic signals, no matter how much hurry you are in

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8. Never use mobile phones while driving

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9. Drive in the appropriate speeding lanes and always on the left side of the road in India

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10. Stop chit chatting while driving; driver needs to concentrate

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11. Vehicles are not for fun; stop showing your stunts

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12. Definitely no romance while driving (Don't laugh, I have seen it)

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13. Do not use high beam headlights unless necessary and say no to those "yellow" lights

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14. If you are a learner, then take along an experienced driver with you and focus

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15. Maintain a proper gap between vehicles; they may be having powerful brake but you don't and if you do, the one behind you doesn't!!!

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16. Pedestrians wait for your green signal to cross roads

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17. Always use Zebra crossing to cross roads

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"As responsible citizens we should follow these rules for safety and not for the police. I see people wearing helmets without buckling it. What is the use? The moment they fall, helmet will be outside their head and their brain on the road!!!"

How about implementing these rules???? Just my opinion -

1. I got my driving license ten years ago when I could hardly drive. May be in India, we get license very easily. I believe license tests should be made very strict and only those who truly deserve should be given the license.

2. Just by paying 100 rupees bribe we can get through breaking any traffic rules. I believe this practice should be strictly monitored. Breaking traffic rules should be considered as a serious offence and punished severely (like 10 thousand rupees or three days in prison). So that the mere thought of punishment makes nobody break traffic rules.

3. As people of this country, if we see anybody breaking any traffic rules we should stop them and advice them to follow these rules. If they don't abide or argue back, take down their number, their photograph (of not wearing seat belt for example) and report it to the traffic police or may be we can have a separate helpline for this.

4. And by any chance if we hit somebody then it is our responsibility to take the person to a nearby hospital and get him treated. Most of us slip away to avoid punishments but what if the law punishes less for a person who takes the responsibility of admitting the victim than the ones who run away? May be then more people will come forward to help.

I know bringing these changes in India is not easy. Most of the villages don't even have proper roads. But in metros and cities these can and should be implemented. Awareness is important and Nissan is doing a great job of spreading awareness regarding road safety.

I hope everybody pledges to keep our roads and lives safe!!!

This post is written as a part of IndiBlogger contest in association with Nissan Safety Driving Forum. For more information please check their website https://www.nissan.in/innovation/NSDF.html

"The Nissan Motor Co., Ltd., conducts the Nissan Safety Driving Forum (NSDF) in India as part of its safety driving promotion activities. The program began as an annual activity in 2012. The overall reach and engagement levels have phenomenally grown and NSDF has effectively reached close to 2 lakh citizens. It continues to stay committed to its core objective of promoting safe driving behaviour in India. NSDF also conducts live simulated experiences to understand how safety features function through a simulated car crash. A 360-degree turn over highlights the use of seatbelts, while sessions on road safety emphasises on road etiquette to stay safe. NSDF encourages drivers and passengers to wear seatbelts, and participants learn through interactive activities the importance of wearing seatbelts. Nissan seeks to support reducing fatalities and injuries caused by traffic accidents, and NSDF represents the company's commitment in contributing to young, vibrant and mobile India."

The story of an innocent soul

Man asked Yamraj (the lord of death) -

"Hey lord, I still do not understand what is my fault? Why I am dead at the age of 23? Did you know, my father died when I was just 4 years old? Since then my mother has struggled her life to feed me and my sister, to give us the right education and now when I just started earning, paying her back you take me away from them? I am responsible for my sister's education and then her wedding but now tell me how will my mother take care of everything alone now? Don't you think you are being unjust and unfair?

At the age of 16, when my friends tried alcohol I stayed away. Not that I am deprived of these simple human curiosities but I knew my responsibilities. I wanted to be a good son, start earning and may be then try out drinking once at least. I never smoked ever so far when all my friends did. I didn't even have a girlfriend. In fact when I was in college a beautiful girl, Meena, proposed to me. I guess I liked her too but I rejected her. You know why. Girls are distraction to my studies so I stayed away from them but this year after I got this new job I was going to ask her to marry me. Well, now I guess that is not going to happen.

After my dad died while riding a motor bike, mom had been sceptical about me driving. She never let me ride a bicycle also. In college my friends once told me they would teach me how to ride but I never wanted to hurt my mother's feelings. So, I never learnt how to ride or drive. I usually take the bus or walk. Walking is good for health and saves a lot money. Hence, every day morning I walked from my house to office.

Even while walking, I made sure to cross roads via zebra cross and only when it indicates green signal for pedestrians. Never used mobile phones while walking on the road or break any rules. I was alert and very conscious.

Last evening when I was walking back home, I stood near the curb to cross road waiting for green signal. Just when it had turned green and I walked few steps in zebra cross, a car zooming in full speed made its way and hit me hard. I was flipped like a coin and my head was broken in to pieces. The driver seemed extremely rich driving a luxurious car, having no responsibilities, extremely drunk and a hot girl by his side. He broke all the rules by driving when the signal was red for vehicles, that too in full speed, drunk. But the irony is, he is still alive getting treated in the hospital where as I am dead. Do you think it is fair on your part to do something like this? Don't you think he should have died instead of me? "

Yamraj calmly replied -

"I am sorry to hear to your story but people's mistakes are to be borne by people. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, but your sins are answered by you. Lord gave you such a beautiful life but you people are spoiling it every day. You people are killing each other. Not me. I am just taking the dead. If you people aren't playing safe, then trust me lot more people will have to answer"

Only if the man was not drunk

Only if the man halted at red signal

Only if he was not speeding

A life of an innocent would have been saved. This might be just a story but this is also the true tale of many people. Drive safe, be safe and let others be safe.

This post is written as a part of IndiBlogger contest in association with Nissan Safety Driving Forum. For more information please check their website https://www.nissan.in/innovation/NSDF.html

My worst fear

I am aquaphobic.

Water creeps me out and I often told people that in my last life I died drowning.

As a child, I was scared of taking a shower (I thought water would enter my brain and lungs and all the body parts and I would blow and burst out; bucket and mug were my buddies)

I was scared of crossing river even through a bridge (I felt that the stagnant water was calling me, looking right in to my eyes. I felt our bike would just jump out of the bridge and I would die drowning)

I was scared of water parks as well (I thought the water in water parks would pull me down and never let me go up. Though not very steep, I felt water would kill me anyway)

I was scared of sea (Being born in coastal Karnataka, staying away from beaches is like a joke. But I knew every single wave wanted to take me along with it somewhere far and deep. So I never stepped my foot). I have literally cried once after being pushed in to the water!!!

I never learnt swimming (the only means to save me from drowning) with the fear of drowning in swimming pool. What a fool!!!

So yes, because of these fears my dear family and friends made fun of me:

Incident 1: My friend gave me a mug of water and said "Don't be scared Shruthi. Your head is big for the mug, you won't drown" and it was followed by a group laughter like I was the fun subject

Incident 2: They normally took my photographs of I-am-damn-scared face and circulated and projected in class. Humiliating!!!

Incident 3: Cousins have pushed me in sea water and enjoyed my 'skipping a heartbeat' moment

Incident 4: And whenever I cancelled the trip to beaches or islands or waterfalls, everybody gave me that look of "get over your own shit soon or we will smack you".

I was humiliated, joked about and was constantly the reason for cancellation of plans few years back but in spite of all this, I never tried to get over my fear as I was too scared to even go near it.

All are looking at me.. trying to make me more nervous.. Dialogues like "shruthi what will you do if the boat sinks" were common

This is my scared face. Nightmare !!!

I always needed some extra support!!! people laughed at me.

During my masters (I was like 22 years old) I decided to face my fear no matter what.

I started keeping my feet in water, sea or river. Slowly soaking my feet was fun. I would go to the beach side and stand for hours looking at sun set. So, that is when I started enjoying water a bit. But initially I would hold somebody's hand and eventually I was on my own. From feet it went till knee length water and yes, by then my fear for water had definitely reduced.

Slowly I started squatting in sea water, going to water parks and started looking down the bridges (which was the scariest part for me) smiling at the river water. And yes, I started taking shower; it was blissful. I even visited few beach resorts and enjoyed playing in water.

My first water park fun!!!

Enjoying cold water!!!

River rafting. can't believe it is me!!!

But before stepping in to water I do the following:

1. I ask the coxswain if he would jump in to water to save my life if I accidentally fell

2. I make sure there are enough people on the coast

3. I ride slowly while crossing the bridges

4. I know, it is water and it can be dangerous so I always play safe. I don't take risks while playing with water

With these simple instructions and my repeated attempts I say I have overcome my fear to a great extent. Now I don't mind taking a boat ride or playing in water parks but I know some elements of fear are still left in me and in the years to come I will for sure defeat them and throw them out of my system.

This post is written as a part of IndiBlogger HappyHours in association with Mountain Dew https://www.facebook.com/mountaindewindia.

When we hear Mountain Dew we immediately remember "Cheeta bhi peeta hai" and "darr ke aage jeet hai" and Hrithik Roshan of course!!! Hrithik being aquaphobic was the best part in that advertisement and may be his dive helped me get over my phobia!!!

Now you can check their latest advertisement. Definitely an amazing and thrilling one :

Friday, December 12, 2014

Strong foundation for Swachh India

Scene 1 :

"You must visit USA sometime. It is so clean and neat that I feel ashamed to say I am from India" boasted an NRI who was like everybody else stung by the American bee.

"But our India is no less. It is green, rich culturally and one of the ancient civilizations" argued a proud Indian (at heart)

"Are you kidding me? Seriously? Do not compare India to USA. It is no where close. Achieving that level of cleanliness would be next to impossible in India"

The proud Indian, knowing his facts well, did not argue further. His silence spoke the truth.

Scene 2 :

"I really need to pee man. Don't tell me there are no public toilets nearby" a foreigner in India during his first visit yelled at his only Indian friend.

Confused Indian, gave him the obvious solution of peeing on roadside or at least behind a tree.

The foreigner swore never to step in India.

Scene 3 :

I saw him throw his water bottle and some food on the road. I increased my scooty speed and crossed him and asked,

"excuse me sir. There was a dust bin near by. You could have dumped your waste items in it. Why throw it on road. You seem educated and well cultured. Then why do you behave like this?"

"It is none of business madam. And by not throwing one water bottle, India is not going to get clean in one day. But if you are still concerned, you are more than welcome to clean my dump" without a grimace or guilt he rode away.

Scene 4:

Everyday he saw her go behind the bushes and lift up her skirt showing her assets. What she did after that didn't concern him. But his testosterone level definitely shot up and one day he decided to feel that ass in his hands.

Few days later, he did !!!! However, her house was ritually pure.

Scene 5 :

"Why can't you at least clean you room? I think there is some left over food behind your study table, your AC needs to be cleaned as water is getting collected, and your room stinks. Please clean it or I will." Angry mother shouted at her teenager son.

"Mom, who told you to enter my room? I will clean it when I can and dare you enter my room and touch my stuff. May be I like it dirty in here. Ok" shouted back her beloved son.

THIS IS US !!! INDIANS !!!

I am not calling anybody rapist here but I only intend to highlight one point - Is India going to become more hygienic just because somebody holds up a broom or builds more toilets? What about the so called much hyped "Indian mentality".

Let me brief you -

1. Few days ago I had written about cleanliness and how we can do our part in cleaning our society. In facebook my article gets may be two likes but my profile picture gets 150 likes. Who wants to read the boring topic anyway?

2. We so much appreciate it when somebody raises their voice against crime. We share the news on facebook, tweet about it and blog about it but trust me when it is our turn to raise the voice, we prefer to keep silent

3. We talk about cleanliness and hygiene. Then tell me have you ever stopped a stranger peeing on the streets. Questioned him and argued with him?

4. An Indian who doesn't even throw chocolate wrap in foreign countries doesn't mind defecating in public saying "Jo khulle me maza hai woh toilet ke andar kaha?"

This is what I am highlighting in my post - "Indian mentality" (I don't know what else to call this and sorry if I am hurting anyone here) and as long as our mentality and attitude towards life doesn't change no matter how much try no bigger change can be expected. You want a Swachh Bharat then guys we should cleanse ourselves first. I am not talking about habit but our overall attitude of "theek hai" "chalta hai" "mere baap ka kya jayega" "abe itna ganda toh hai, mein fekunga toh kya hoga" and etc etc etc.

In my profession before we teach "how to talk" to children we train them for certain prerequisites such as attention, eye contact without which child can't attain the level of talking. In the same way before cleaning the streets and building toilets I think every Indian (I mean every single Indian) should possess these prerequisites :

1. Love your country - I am not talking about saluting in front of our flag or being emotional listening to patriotic songs but love your country like it is your own child. I am not asking you to compromise your life or die for it, but try never to hurt your country. The moment you do that your heart will never allow you to throw even a small piece of paper on the streets.

2. Respect for individuals who do the low level or low pay jobs - In my city hardly people are available for cleaning and keeping the city clean. Why? Pay is less and more than money, they are not respected. Now in countries like Germany, even these people are highly respected and treated equal in the society. They are not untouchables or wear stinky clothes. We can try and not litter but there are lot of things which needs cleaning. And these are the people whom we should really respect and admire. So, may be it is time they are paid well and treated equal in the society. Why sixth pay commission to those who are already earning well? Why not to those people who are helping to keep our city clean and saving us from diseases?

3. Leave behind the age old customs and traditions - Yes, it would be sad to know that in India, certain Hindu traditions still encourage defecation in the public mostly far away from home, to avoid ritual impurity. Because of this even after having latrines at home, men prefer going out in the open, which in turn leads to lot of other health hazards like diarrhoea, malnutrition and many others. So, now tell me is building toilets going to help these people? But these people need proper education regarding the health hazards and also, need to be convinced to leave behind these silly traditions.

4. Raise your voice - Once we learn to do that in public I guess littering will be automatically reduced. We see some people throwing garbage or peeing or spitting and we choose to ignore these. We might curse them under breath but our vocal cords are paralysed to raise voice against it. So if we really want our society, our country to be clean then the moment we see something wrong going on in our surrounding we should fight against it.

5. Do your job - We depend so much on others, that we need a maid at home, cook or gardener. We want somebody to clean our lanes, wash our toilets and dumb the garbage. May be we should try and do our job faithfully and try to keep our surroundings clean. The more we depend on others the more problems will arise - they wont come on time, they wont clean as much as we would (of course not their house), and we will forever be lazy. We often compare India to the USA and sulk about how India is not as clean but nobody notices how people in abroad do their own job.

I believe these are the five main prerequisites before we start holding a board and campaigning about hygiene and sanitation. But yes, if we can't do all this then for sure we can do one thing - complain about things that are going wrong in India and blame the government for it and wait for them to do everything right as we continue to do everything wrong.

I hope my post makes some sense. And if it does, then do let me know what you think about my approach towards "Swachh India" and if doesn't then let me know what you guys think is the best way to keep our country clean and safe.

This post is written as a part of IndiBlogger contest in association with Dettol - Banega Swachh India.

"RB (formerly known as Reckitt Benckiser) has partnered with NDTV and Facebook to launch “Dettol – Banega Swachh India” – a 5 year ambitious program to address the rising need of hygiene and sanitation in India. The campaign will aim at creating awareness about the importance of hygiene and sanitation, and also work with NGO partners to support infrastructure for construction and maintenance of toilets. RB India has committed to spend a sum of Rs.100 crores towards this program over a period of the next 5 years."

For more information please check their website http://swachhindia.ndtv.com/

Monday, December 8, 2014

Just dump them !!!

Certain baggages are for life but every year I pledge to make certain necessary changes in my life, ah never happens !!! And if somebody asks me "what's your new year resolution?" now, all I can murmur under breath is "mind your own business dude". What's up with this new year and resolutions? I can make a resolution any day and break them any day. Nobody needs to know but with all this new year resolution and crying them out loud in public I end up being humiliated and a victim of constant prying. So, I decided (as one more resolution) not to make any commandments. That's it and I was done with it !!!

But yes, December is the month when my mind rewinds the tape and scrutinizes every single detail of that year. I would sulk at things that did not pay me back and whine about things that I forbade myself in to doing. At the end of the year my heart would be filled with a mix of joy and grief and by the beginning of next year it would turn in to hope. It is this hope, which pushes me in to preparing yet another resolutions list trying to get the best out of myself. Nothing mysterious about them any ways as it would be a repetition of last years.

So here goes my list of things that I want to leave behind in 2014 -

1. Being a short tempered person is no bliss. However, I have grown as a person and compared to myself ten years ago my anger has substantially reduced or controlled. But no matter how much rule over my anger, it sometimes takes control of me and I react in ways which I wish would delete from my memory forever. I for sure feel guilty. So, yes this is one thing I want to throw out of my life forever - Anger

2. I love talking and yes, there is no harm in talking. But once I get in to that mood of blabbering I lose control over my tongue and forget to stop which often annoys people. Having heard statements like "may be you should stop now" or "I am bored now" or "I have no patience in listening any more" or "you are explaining way too much" it is time I master the art of how much to talk. So, I want to leave behind my garrulous mouth.

3. Now you can imagine the plight of a husband whose wife is short tempered and has no control over her tongue. Yes, when I am angry I just can't control the usage of my words and end up hurting some sensitive and insensitive hearts. Nobody can stand my firing bullets and getting injured is a part of war. So, I want to leave behind anger + abusive mouth = ????? whatever the end result is !!!

4. I want to stop whining from this moment onwards (is there a button to switch it off???). Shruthi without whining is like water without hydrogen or oxygen. I whine about things that went wrong in the past and that might go wrong in the future and that are going wrong in the present. And if all is well, I whine about things not going wrong wondering how can everything work out just fine for me!!!

5. I normally put forth a brave face in the society. But I am a coward. I am scared to sleep alone (what if ghosts eat me up), I am scared of insects (they are creepy) and I am scared of most of the things - death, life and everything associated with it. So, there are no second guesses I want to leave behind fear.

6. From morning till evening, I normally experience a series of mood swings from being happy to sad to excited to dull to disappointed. Sometimes I feel I have no control over my own self. It keeps fluctuating and I can't say exactly what kind of a person I am. So, I want to leave these mood swings behind and I have no idea how to control them (and if every wife takes this as a resolution, world would be a better place for all the husbands)

7. I feel my district's water supply is connected to my eyes and if anybody says anything or even a sad scene on television makes me weep. Honestly, I am not that gentle soul or anything but I can't take harsh words or harsh realities in life. A beggar on street to a stray dog brings tears in my eyes so quick that I myself can't fathom what I do I actually feel when I see them. But these tears portray me as a weak person which I do not like. I am a strong woman (forget about point 5, I am brave or may be this is what I was talking about in point 6). Whatever it is, I want to leave these tears behind.

8. If somebody asks for a favour, I am normally hesitant to say "NO" and I end up doing things which I would detest and regret later. I am hesitant in asking for favours from others. So, I end up doing their work and mine !!!! So, I want to be a straight forward person from here on and leave these hesitations behind.

9. I normally do not like others paying for my food bills and movie tickets and in most occasions I end up paying for them. But recently I have realized, the more I offer to pay the more they take advantage of me. The present scenario is people don't even offer to pay when I am along, like their money is money but mine is a piece of crap. So, this year I am done with paying bills (you got a free meal from me??? Enjoyed it??? No more) and from next year, let's go dutch (of course I still don't want them to pay for me but they can pay for themselves)

10. And here comes the important point, I am done being someone the society/family wants me to be. I can't stop calling my husband by name just because it is not accepted in my parent's family or start wearing salwar kameez (only) because they want me to. I can't be a person I am not and expecting that out of any woman is not acceptable. I just want to be me, may be the moody one or angry one but just me. But I definitely can't be someone they want me to become. I am done feeling obligated and this "feeling obligated" is something I for sure want to leave behind and may be every woman should.

Well, if I abide to this list I am going to be a saint !!! I am not sure if I can fully incorporate these things in my life but even if I can bring about 1% of these changes in me, I would be proud of myself and will post the same post for next year's resolutions !!! Till then, Happy New Year guys and have a great year...

This post is written as a part of IndiSpire

Friday, December 5, 2014

Where do we stand???

Having being mocked, teased, molested, scrutinized and cheated, I am woman who dares to stand up in this society and scream against those jeopardizing a woman's respect and her life. I am a woman who believes only I can save my ass and I don't need a man (be it a husband, brother or father) to do it. I am a woman who believes in equality and I offer my opinions when asked rightfully. I am a woman who believes in moral values and have the gut to fight a man if he misbehaves. I am a woman who says if you don't speak today you shall always be deprived of your voice. Some may call me feminist, some may say I am hiding under the cloak of righteousness, some may even call me a coward every time I support women. Let me pause, where am I going with this post? I just want to know as women where do we stand? Are we actually misusing the power given to us? I have explained what kind of a woman I am and yet, the certain recent incidents are making me think over my own principles in life which I have believed so strong that I never let them go.

If we see a man beating up a woman, we for sure will call him cruel and heartless and trust me entire world will go in her support. Some more news channels will ponder over the issue, make sure he gets arrested and women rights activists become a nightmare even to his relatives. And imagine we see a woman beating up a man, she gets bravery award from the President.

If a woman shows off her private parts in public we call it fashion and for a man, who am I kidding, that liberty is not there. Of course he can be shirtless as long as he doesn't grow breasts on them but what about other private parts? Can he flaunt it in public? We can't even imagine that. But for a woman she can dress up in any way she wants and men are not even supposed to look at her !!!

If a man holds a woman's hand, he is being physical and she can even slap him and walk away but the moment a woman holds a man's hand she is being romantic, seeking for some warmth and love and if he slaps her and walks away, he is a cruel son of a bitch !!!

We wanted equality but starting from bus seats to public sympathy, we are given more benefits than men. If boys meet an accident hardly anybody goes to help them but once when I fell from my scooty, nothing major in fact, entire public gathered. One man parked my scooty safely to the side, other man ran to get me some water and another man called for an auto and another man (who happened to be a doctor) did a quick medical examination. But this rarely happen with men!!! Why is it because men think we are weak or is it because we portray ourselves as weak and enjoy all the attention we get???

Men are physically stronger than us, their hormones are more agitated may be (considering women get raped more frequently) but do they deserve what is happening in the city right now??? Parents are being advised to control their sons but daughters can do whatever they want??? I have always raised my voice when women's dignity was in question but now men are at stake. The Indian mentality has become such that we always blame men for everything. And not only women, even men blame men and try to be an eye candy for women.

Be it movies or serials, no man says "no" if a woman wants to sleep with them. That physical priority is always given to females. I am not sure if that's how it works in real life. But if so, women are given a lot more advantage and men are always made to slog. In this fight of equality we are being given more privilege than we asked for. We are forgetting to look for the truth and blame men for everything. Inside a house, within a society men are always considered wrong. And are we happy about this? Like how we always say "it could happen to your mother or sister", this could also happen to your brother or father. Some girl might accuse them of molestation or even worse. Just because we are given an advantage we shouldn't misuse them at any cost. I believe truth should be given that advantage not gender.

I am writing this post after Rohtak incident. Well I don't know what the truth is but there are two stories linked to it. I am not saying boys did nothing or girls were innocent all I am saying is they were arrested and are not allowed to write Army exams even before they proved guilty. Who am I judge this topic anyways (I only know the media launched truth), but all I say is truth should win the case !!! This post is not about Rohtak incident but it made me think if we are really doing the right thing. What do you guys think ???

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/rohtak-sisters-sexual-harassment-molestation/1/404839.html

http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-watch-video-countering-the-braveheart-rohtak-sister-s-version-of-the-bus-incident-surfaces-2040903