Strong foundation for Swachh India

Scene 1 : 

"You must visit USA sometime. It is so clean and neat that I feel ashamed to say I am from India" boasted an NRI who was like everybody else stung by the American bee.

"But our India is no less. It is green, rich culturally and one of the ancient civilizations" argued a proud Indian (at heart)

"Are you kidding me? Seriously? Do not compare India to USA. It is no where close. Achieving that level of cleanliness would be next to impossible in India"

The proud Indian, knowing his facts well, did not argue further. His silence spoke the truth.

Scene 2 :

"I really need to pee man. Don't tell me there are no public toilets nearby" a foreigner in India during his first visit yelled at his only Indian friend.

Confused Indian, gave him the obvious solution of peeing on roadside or at least behind a tree. 

The foreigner swore never to step in India.

Scene 3 :

I saw him throw his water bottle and some food on the road. I increased my scooty speed and crossed him and asked,

"excuse me sir. There was a dust bin near by. You could have dumped your waste items in it. Why throw it on road. You seem educated and well cultured. Then why do you behave like this?"

"It is none of business madam. And by not throwing one water bottle, India is not going to get clean in one day. But if you are still concerned, you are more than welcome to clean my dump" without a grimace or guilt he rode away. 

Scene 4:

Everyday he saw her go behind the bushes and lift up her skirt showing her assets. What she did after that didn't concern him. But his testosterone level definitely shot up and one day he decided to feel that ass in his hands. 

Few days later, he did !!!! However, her house was ritually pure. 

Scene 5 :

"Why can't you at least clean you room? I think there is some left over food behind your study table, your AC needs to be cleaned as water is getting collected, and your room stinks. Please clean it or I will." Angry mother shouted at her teenager son.

"Mom, who told you to enter my room? I will clean it when I can and dare you enter my room and touch my stuff. May be I like it dirty in here. Ok" shouted back her beloved son. 

THIS IS US !!! INDIANS !!!

I am not calling anybody rapist here but I only intend to highlight one point - Is India going to become more hygienic just because somebody holds up a broom or builds more toilets? What about the so called much hyped "Indian mentality". 

Let me brief you -

1. Few days ago I had written about cleanliness and how we can do our part in cleaning our society. In facebook my article gets may be two likes but my profile picture gets 150 likes. Who wants to read the boring topic anyway?

2. We so much appreciate it when somebody raises their voice against crime. We share the news on facebook, tweet about it and blog about it but trust me when it is our turn to raise the voice, we prefer to keep silent

3. We talk about cleanliness and hygiene. Then tell me have you ever stopped a stranger peeing on the streets. Questioned him and argued with him? 

4. An Indian who doesn't even throw chocolate wrap in foreign countries doesn't mind defecating in public saying "Jo khulle me maza hai woh toilet ke andar kaha?"

This is what I am highlighting in my post - "Indian mentality" (I don't know what else to call this and sorry if I am hurting anyone here) and as long as our mentality and attitude towards life doesn't change no matter how much try no bigger change can be expected. You want a Swachh Bharat then guys we should cleanse ourselves first. I am not talking about habit but our overall attitude of "theek hai" "chalta hai" "mere baap ka kya jayega" "abe itna ganda toh hai, mein fekunga toh kya hoga" and etc etc etc. 

In my profession before we teach "how to talk" to children we train them for certain prerequisites such as attention, eye contact without which child can't attain the level of talking. In the same way before cleaning the streets and building toilets I think every Indian (I mean every single Indian) should possess these prerequisites :

1. Love your country - I am not talking about saluting in front of our flag or being emotional listening to patriotic songs but love your country like it is your own child. I am not asking you to compromise your life or die for it, but try never to hurt your country. The moment you do that your heart will never allow you to throw even a small piece of paper on the streets.

2. Respect for individuals who do the low level or low pay jobs - In my city hardly people are available for cleaning and keeping the city clean. Why? Pay is less and more than money, they are not respected. Now in countries like Germany, even these people are highly respected and treated equal in the society. They are not untouchables or wear stinky clothes. We can try and not litter but there are lot of things which needs cleaning. And these are the people whom we should really respect and admire. So, may be it is time they are paid well and treated equal in the society. Why sixth pay commission to those who are already earning well? Why not to those people who are helping to keep our city clean and saving us from diseases?

3. Leave behind the age old customs and traditions - Yes, it would be sad to know that in India, certain Hindu traditions still encourage defecation in the public mostly far away from home, to avoid ritual impurity. Because of this even after having latrines at home, men prefer going out in the open, which in turn leads to lot of other health hazards like diarrhoea, malnutrition and many others. So, now tell me is building toilets going to help these people? But these people need proper education regarding the health hazards and also, need to be convinced to leave behind these silly traditions. 

4. Raise your voice - Once we learn to do that in public I guess littering will be automatically reduced. We see some people throwing garbage or peeing or spitting and we choose to ignore these. We might curse them under breath but our vocal cords are paralysed to raise voice against it. So if we really want our society, our country to be clean then the moment we see something wrong going on in our surrounding we should fight against it. 

5. Do your job - We depend so much on others, that we need a maid at home, cook or gardener. We want somebody to clean our lanes, wash our toilets and dumb the garbage. May be we should try and do our job faithfully and try to keep our surroundings clean. The more we depend on others the more problems will arise - they wont come on time, they wont clean as much as we would (of course not their house), and we will forever be lazy. We often compare India to the USA and sulk about how India is not as clean but nobody notices how people in abroad do their own job. 

I believe these are the five main prerequisites before we start holding a board and campaigning about hygiene and sanitation. But yes, if we can't do all this then for sure we can do one thing - complain about things that are going wrong in India and blame the government for it and wait for them to do everything right as we continue to do everything wrong. 

I hope my post makes some sense. And if it does, then do let me know what you think about my approach towards "Swachh India" and if doesn't then let me know what you guys think is the best way to keep our country clean and safe. 

This post is written as a part of IndiBlogger contest in association with Dettol - Banega Swachh India. 

"RB (formerly known as Reckitt Benckiser) has partnered with NDTV and Facebook to launch “Dettol – Banega Swachh India” – a 5 year ambitious program to address the rising need of hygiene and sanitation in India. The campaign will aim at creating awareness about the importance of hygiene and sanitation, and also work with NGO partners to support infrastructure for construction and maintenance of toilets. RB India has committed to spend a sum of Rs.100 crores towards this program over a period of the next 5 years."

For more information please check their website http://swachhindia.ndtv.com/ 

Just dump them !!!

Certain baggages are for life but every year I pledge to make certain necessary changes in my life, ah never happens !!! And if somebody asks me "what's your new year resolution?" now, all I can murmur under breath is "mind your own business dude". What's up with this new year and resolutions? I can make a resolution any day and break them any day. Nobody needs to know but with all this new year resolution and crying them out loud in public I end up being humiliated and a victim of constant prying. So, I decided (as one more resolution) not to make any commandments. That's it and I was done with it !!!

But yes, December is the month when my mind rewinds the tape and scrutinizes every single detail of that year. I would sulk at things that did not pay me back and whine about things that I forbade myself in to doing. At the end of the year my heart would be filled with a mix of joy and grief and by the beginning of next year it would turn in to hope. It is this hope, which pushes me in to preparing yet another resolutions list trying to get the best out of myself. Nothing mysterious about them any ways as it would be a repetition of last years.

So here goes my list of things that I want to leave behind in 2014 -

1. Being a short tempered person is no bliss. However, I have grown as a person and compared to myself ten years ago my anger has substantially reduced or controlled. But no matter how much rule over my anger, it sometimes takes control of me and I react in ways which I wish would delete from my memory forever. I for sure feel guilty. So, yes this is one thing I want to throw out of my life forever - Anger

2. I love talking and yes, there is no harm in talking. But once I get in to that mood of blabbering I lose control over my tongue and forget to stop which often annoys people. Having heard statements like "may be you should stop now" or "I am bored now" or "I have no patience in listening any more" or "you are explaining way too much" it is time I master the art of how much to talk. So, I want to leave behind my garrulous mouth.

3. Now you can imagine the plight of a husband whose wife is short tempered and has no control over her tongue. Yes, when I am angry I just can't control the usage of my words and end up hurting some sensitive and insensitive hearts. Nobody can stand my firing bullets and getting injured is a part of war. So, I want to leave behind anger + abusive mouth = ????? whatever the end result is !!!

4. I want to stop whining from this moment onwards (is there a button to switch it off???). Shruthi without whining is like water without hydrogen or oxygen. I whine about things that went wrong in the past and that might go wrong in the future and that are going wrong in the present. And if all is well, I whine about things not going wrong wondering how can everything work out just fine for me!!!

5. I normally put forth a brave face in the society. But I am a coward. I am scared to sleep alone (what if ghosts eat me up), I am scared of insects (they are creepy) and I am scared of most of the things - death, life and everything associated with it. So, there are no second guesses I want to leave behind fear.

6. From morning till evening, I normally experience a series of mood swings from being happy to sad to excited to dull to disappointed. Sometimes I feel I have no control over my own self. It keeps fluctuating and I can't say exactly what kind of a person I am. So, I want to leave these mood swings behind and I have no idea how to control them (and if every wife takes this as a resolution, world would be a better place for all the husbands)

7. I feel my district's water supply is connected to my eyes and if anybody says anything or even a sad scene on television makes me weep. Honestly, I am not that gentle soul or anything but I can't take harsh words or harsh realities in life. A beggar on street to a stray dog brings tears in my eyes so quick that I myself can't fathom what I do I actually feel when I see them. But these tears portray me as a weak person which I do not like. I am a strong woman (forget about point 5, I am brave or may be this is what I was talking about in point 6). Whatever it is, I want to leave these tears behind.

8. If somebody asks for a favour, I am normally hesitant to say "NO" and I end up doing things which I would detest and regret later. I am hesitant in asking for favours from others. So, I end up doing their work and mine !!!! So, I want to be a straight forward person from here on and leave these hesitations behind.

9. I normally do not like others paying for my food bills and movie tickets and in most occasions I end up paying for them. But recently I have realized, the more I offer to pay the more they take advantage of me. The present scenario is people don't even offer to pay when I am along, like their money is money but mine is a piece of crap. So, this year I am done with paying bills (you got a free meal from me??? Enjoyed it??? No more) and from next year, let's go dutch (of course I still don't want them to pay for me but they can pay for themselves)

10. And here comes the important point, I am done being someone the society/family wants me to be. I can't stop calling my husband by name just because it is not accepted in my parent's family or start wearing salwar kameez (only) because they want me to. I can't be a person I am not and expecting that out of any woman is not acceptable. I just want to be me, may be the moody one or angry one but just me. But I definitely can't be someone they want me to become. I am done feeling obligated and this "feeling obligated" is something I for sure want to leave behind and may be every woman should.

Well, if I abide to this list I am going to be a saint !!! I am not sure if I can fully incorporate these things in my life but even if I can bring about 1% of these changes in me, I would be proud of myself and will post the same post for next year's resolutions !!! Till then, Happy New Year guys and have a great year...

This post is written as a part of IndiSpire

Where do we stand???

Having being mocked, teased, molested, scrutinized and cheated, I am woman who dares to stand up in this society and scream against those jeopardizing a woman's respect and her life. I am a woman who believes only I can save my ass and I don't need a man (be it a husband, brother or father) to do it. I am a woman who believes in equality and I offer my opinions when asked rightfully. I am a woman who believes in moral values and have the gut to fight a man if he misbehaves. I am a woman who says if you don't speak today you shall always be deprived of your voice. Some may call me feminist, some may say I am hiding under the cloak of righteousness, some may even call me a coward every time I support women. Let me pause, where am I going with this post? I just want to know as women where do we stand? Are we actually misusing the power given to us? I have explained what kind of a woman I am and yet, the certain recent incidents are making me think over my own principles in life which I have believed so strong that I never let them go. 

If we see a man beating up a woman, we for sure will call him cruel and heartless and trust me entire world will go in her support. Some more news channels will ponder over the issue, make sure he gets arrested and women rights activists become a nightmare even to his relatives. And imagine we see a woman beating up a man, she gets bravery award from the President. 

If a woman shows off her private parts in public we call it fashion and for a man, who am I kidding, that liberty is not there. Of course he can be shirtless as long as he doesn't grow breasts on them but what about other private parts? Can he flaunt it in public? We can't even imagine that. But for a woman she can dress up in any way she wants and men are not even supposed to look at her !!! 

If a man holds a woman's hand, he is being physical and she can even slap him and walk away but the moment a woman holds a man's hand she is being romantic, seeking for some warmth and love and if he slaps her and walks away, he is a cruel son of a bitch !!!

We wanted equality but starting from bus seats to public sympathy, we are given more benefits than men. If boys meet an accident hardly anybody goes to help them but once when I fell from my scooty, nothing major in fact, entire public gathered. One man parked my scooty safely to the side, other man ran to get me some water and another man called for an auto and another man (who happened to be a doctor) did a quick medical examination. But this rarely happen with men!!! Why is it because men think we are weak or is it because we portray ourselves as weak and enjoy all the attention we get???  

Men are physically stronger than us, their hormones are more agitated may be (considering women get raped more frequently) but do they deserve what is happening in the city right now??? Parents are being advised to control their sons but daughters can do whatever they want??? I have always raised my voice when women's dignity was in question but now men are at stake. The Indian mentality has become such that we always blame men for everything. And not only women, even men blame men and try to be an eye candy for women. 

Be it movies or serials, no man says "no" if a woman wants to sleep with them. That physical priority is always given to females. I am not sure if that's how it works in real life. But if so, women are given a lot more advantage and men are always made to slog. In this fight of equality we are being given more privilege than we asked for. We are forgetting to look for the truth and blame men for everything. Inside a house, within a society men are always considered wrong. And are we happy about this? Like how we always say "it could happen to your mother or sister", this could also happen to your brother or father. Some girl might accuse them of molestation or even worse. Just because we are given an advantage we shouldn't misuse them at any cost. I believe truth should be given that advantage not gender.

I am writing this post after Rohtak incident. Well I don't know what the truth is but there are two stories linked to it. I am not saying boys did nothing or girls were innocent all I am saying is they were arrested and are not allowed to write Army exams even before they proved guilty. Who am I judge this topic anyways (I only know the media launched truth), but all I say is truth should win the case !!! This post is not about Rohtak incident but it made me think if we are really doing the right thing. What do you guys think ??? 

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/rohtak-sisters-sexual-harassment-molestation/1/404839.html

http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-watch-video-countering-the-braveheart-rohtak-sister-s-version-of-the-bus-incident-surfaces-2040903

Ab hum bhi bolenge !!!

Dear supreme power of India,

I am sure everybody knows what I am referring to here. No no not the Prime Minister and definitely not the President. The Supreme Power is none other than the common people of India. Just because Narendra Modi holds a broom in hand India is not going to get cleaner. Or because AAP decides to make broom as their logo India is not going to get cleaner. We normally blame the government, higher authorities for whatever that is going wrong in our country. Like the garbage near my house has been created by the corrupt politicians !!!! May be this is the time for a morning call, to awaken our spirits and do our bit to keep our motherland clean and green. 

So, here is a quick peek in to a funny and absurd Indian way of living :

1. Even the educated Indian boys do not mind peeing on the streets. Oh yeah, that wouldn't leave any dump behind. Just some stinking smell !!!

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2. This is our motherland (literally every inch of land is our mothers and fathers) so we can chew pan and tobacco and spit wherever we want in whichever design that pleases us. And yeah if you are not a tobacco eater, do not worry, you can still spit anywhere in India. How cool is that !!!!

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3. I think every Indian is illiterate. People are obsessed with dumping trashes where there is a board which clearly states "DO NOT DUMP YOUR TRASH HERE"

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4. Every India also needs basket ball practice. Somehow we aim it for the garbage can outside our locality but trash falls outside and due to our constant back pain we do not prefer putting them back in the can. We just love stray dogs and so we leave it for them to play around.

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5. Chocolate wrap to plastic bags, everything has found a new home - Indian streets and yeah, we gave it to them. So proud !!!

6. While travelling, we are even good at throwing pepsi bottles, orange peels, left over food directly from our bus window in to the windshield of a nearby car or sometimes head of a biker. If they are not wearing a helmet, don't blame us.

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7. And yeah we even love tucking the chewing gums on our bus/cab seats or on a bench. We just love sticking things to strangers. At least in that way we are remembered. 

8. Finally, being so much in love with our country we only sweep till our house gate and the road which is just outside doesn't concern us. We did our duty by voting. Now it is undoubtedly their responsibility. 

Hell yes, I am pissed. People are asking me to raise my voice but against whom? Why can't we be a little more responsible. When recently I had been to Dubai (no doubt authorities are doing a good job) I saw a different way of living. People did not spit on streets or pee or dump their trash or throw chocolate wraps but when the same people come back to India they can't let go off their innate behavior. It is like "I am born in India, brought up in India, had my education in India but I promise to keep Dubai clean". Where does your manners go when you step your foot in your own country? Some simple 8 points are mentioned above and are you really telling me we can't follow this? 

Few years earlier even I wouldn't mind throwing chocolate wraps on roads (as it would already be dirty) but my husband started insisting (thank you hubby) on some good behavior. Since then, I have truly realized my share of duty towards my country. I am raising my voice against my own people (a whole bunch of my friends and relatives) and requesting them (later will shout) to keep our locality clean, and by doing so, India will automatically get cleaned up at least by 50 %.  But no, we are the educated lot. We can't do these simple tasks. Right guys and boys, please, there are public toilets everywhere (at least in towns and cities and metros). If those toilets are unclean and stinky, you have no right to make India unclean and stinky !!! 

Do your bit and trust me, people will follow and so, our country !!!! 

This post is written as a part of IndiBlogger HappyHours in association with Strepsils (follow strepsils on facebook and twitter)  #AbMontuBolega Campaign  http://www.abmontubolega.com/

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#AbMontuBolega campaign is an initiative by Strepsils about raising our voices against things which we know are absolutely wrong. But normally we ignore them and avoid them. It is like something is itching in our throat and we do not want to speak up. With #AbMontuBolega campaign we all can speak and be heard. A great initiative by Strepsils and I hope to see some changes in our country. 

Forceful sex Vs. Rape !!!!

She was scared. She was never accustomed to roaming fearlessly once the dark had taken its control over lives. And in those days, when she was young and bright, women wandering in the streets were not even acceptable. Culture, they often tagged it. But she knew now the time has changed and women are much stronger than they were once. More than her, in that dark alley, she was concerned for her granddaughter with whom she had gone to the mall near by. As they lived close by, walking home with some grandma - granddaughter chit chat sounded more fun. Yet, in between the giggles and laughter, this 67 year old grandma's heart was pounding relentlessly, ears picking up every minute details and those blurring visions focusing harder than ever. After all, her granddaughter's safety was her responsibility. Something didn't seem right though. She felt they were being followed. Some foot steps which drew closer. Her gut told her to run. But she discarded owing it to her psychology. Few minutes later, they were circled by three men - healthy and strongly built. They had a devilish thirst in their eyes and these old eyes of grandma picked up their mental and physical desires quickly. She begged them to leave them alone. She begged them to leave her granddaughter alone. But their laughter grew louder. Finally, one man spoke,

"Auntyji, darte kyu ho? Aapki poti se humhe kya lena dena. Faltu me marna hai kya? Bus aap hamare sath chalo. Budhape me aap bhi aish karlo" (Aunty why are you scared? We have got nothing to do with your grand daughter. We do not want unnecessary risks. You just tag along and have fun with us).

She was devastated hearing this. Those boys were nearly half her age and she never thought a gang of boys would want to rape her. Having no choice and to protect her granddaughter, she obliged, silently with tears rolling over her eyes.

"Don't you feel ashamed in raping a woman of your mother's age" She asked angrily

"Rape? Who is raping you? We are just going to have forceful sex and thanks to Delhi High court judge's recent verdict forceful sex is not rape after menopause. Why do you think we picked your saggy skin over your granddaughter's? We just want to have some fun. And if we can escape punishment then an 80 year old woman will also do good".

Next day morning newspaper read "67 year old woman was a victim of forceful sex and found dead in Delhi. "

Of course, the forceful sex criminals were caught and left off as it was not rape. A week after that one more newspaper read "80 year old woman forcefully sex-ed to death".

I am pissed, irritated and hell, I have anger towards those judges who let a man walk in the name of menopause. Menopause is a process related to womanhood, uterus - it is simple biology man. How can you ignore that rape is not even remotely related to uterus. What about the traumatic mental harassment a woman goes through during rape? Will the judge say the same thing if one of his family members were the victim? Does woman have no identity of hers as a woman after menopause? How can you term rape (there is no doubt on that) as forceful sex? Tomorrow they might come up with new definitions : if hymen is already broken then its not rape, if the girl has not attained puberty then its not rape, if any of my relatives do it then its not rape, if ministers relatives do it then it is not rape, etc etc and we Indians are foolish enough to accept the nonsense nodding our weak head!!! That is not going to happen this time. This time we are all going to raise our voices, speak against the nonsense that's swallowing us and this is the beginning. Recently, a minister told, death penalty should not be sentenced to rapists as mistakes happen and they should be given another chance. Now, a high court judge says, raping an old woman is not rape at all. It is forceful but not forcible. I seriously do not know how to vent out my anger. If you guys agree with me then do raise your voice against this. Be it blogging, facebook or twitter show your contempt and let the judges know we don't take crap from anybody.

So, here I have started revolting against a meaningless verdict and hope you all will do the same. Do revolt and raise your voice against the crime or trust me when we reach the 60 milestone India won't be merciful on us. 

There is no harm in asking!!!

When I was 16, I was going through a rough patch in life. Boy friends, breakups, exams, mood swings, irritation, distraction and above all, an unending curiosity. Yes, I do agree life was different by then. Life is different today because of the mistakes committed in the past. But I often wonder, could life have been more better? Could  have I studied a little more harder to secure a place in a good college? Could have I kept myself away from emotional hassles which tormented me for years? Could have I kept my curiosities to myself without trying to get an answer and getting involved at a different level? 12 years before, it was like a whole different world. Mobile phones were babies and internet on phone was on the process of gestation, where as 3G was not even fertilized. The only option was slow processing desktops, with slower internet taking an hour to open google. So all the questions were unanswered and I was at no level of asking my parents anything.

Time changed, things changed and a whole new era opened up in front of us. From laptops, to tablets to 3G to 4G, seems like entire globe is revolving at our finger tips. And also, all the solutions to our problems!!! 

Be it a love affair or a strangled marriage status or an employment issue or a suicidal feeling, your every problem has found a new home to unravel answers, to feel supported and to hold those fingers, which would lead you towards the right path in life. It is a time in life when you feel you are lost and you need some one to guide you but the complexities in you make you totter and zip those lips. If this is the phase you are sailing in, then you should be a part of a group called "adviceadda.com". I wish I was only 16 now!!!

Adviceadda.com is a portal (launched already) with a team of experts and volunteers, who will not only solve your issues and problems but also, try to instill a new ray of hope by inspiring you at every level possible. Be it fashion, beauty, health, sex, girl friend issues or any personal problems, the experts from the panel will answer your queries and help you resolve your problem. Adding on to it, there will be lots of inspiring guest posts from the volunteers!!! When I told my husband about this website, he asked me why would anybody be interested in sharing their problems with a stranger. I believe sometimes, we can not share everything with the people we love (be it embarrassment or preserving our own image) but we feel at ease asking the same question to a stranger whom we have never met, who is also an expert in that area (so we know for sure there is no nonsense talk going on) and also, all our queries are met without any embarrassment or shame!!! There is also another angle to this concept. If I really need some advice on my looks I can't ask my husband, can I??? So here is a platform to all those people who seek help, who seek advice, who seek hope, who seek guidance or who seek inspiration. My husband always says, what is life without inspiration and at a tender age, kids don't need lecturing but encouragement. I am hopeful that adviceadda.com will sure serve as a catalyst to ignite the best in people, showing a better path to those who are lost and to those who are willing to walk.

Do visit http://www.adviceadda.com/ It is live now :)

or like it on facebook advice adda on facebook

or be a volunteer and help people to lead a better life (You can email at arpsgoel@gmail.com and share you inspiring life incidents and stories and be a part of the family)

This post is NOT written as a part of any blogging contest!!! I am doing free publicity as a volunteer as I believe adviceadda.com is up for a noble cause. 

"Do you understand my pain?"

She asked him often, “Do you understand my pain” and he gladly nodded his head to say yes. Upon his response she looked at him rather surprisingly wondering, if he even knows what that ‘yes’ meant to her. It definitely meant her world, her kingdom which she has been chasing for so many years to conquer, to grab her butt over that relinquished throne. She asked him again and again hoping for a change in answer, but things seemed no different. It is not that she enjoyed this topic over a bucket of popcorn with some diet coke; she heartedly hated it. She knew she was scratching a wound relentlessly to make it a blister and then in to something that can never be healed and if healed, to leave a scare for life. And there he was, making her believe he understands her pain. For once her heart let out an instant spark and it smiled thoroughly after long miserable years, comforting it said “he understands you dear” but immediately she realized may be his words were coaxing her heart in to liking him. May be he never even tried to understand it.

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She had concluded even before meeting him that nobody can even remotely relate to her pain or even come in a zone of understanding it. She never shared as well, not a crime though. The fact was, the instant she had turned this knob everybody’s gaze would change. May be from hatred to misery to sympathy to anger or at worst the look of a lawyer, when he knows for sure his client is guilty but he has to support him to feed his hungry stomach. So she never shared. The only person who came so close to her pain, instead of the expected weird statements, he said, he understands her.

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There she was repenting the action of sharing vivid picture of her childhood. “You were young, helpless and harmless. Anybody could have taken advantage of you. So why do you feel guilty?” he had asked the first time. She was perplexed by his statement and replied, “You are not in my shoes so you don’t know the feel of a shoe bite or even worse, not being able to wear one for few days”.  Not even for a single second she felt guilty but sad. Over years the sadness faded and blossomed as a thick thorn which kept pricking and made her prick others by actions, by words, by choice. She was rude, sarcastic, right on your head kind of a person without any emotions but was she to blame for it? 

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He asked her, “why can’t you just let it go and live like it never happened?” and she said, “Because it did happen and you won’t understand the touch of a stranger in the strange places of my body in a strange way when I was in living an age of Alice in wonderland. Trust me, it wasn't a good wonderland”.

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Even today, she probes in to her past to know if she had missed an opportunity of becoming the front page news years ago by keeping her tiny hole of mouth shut. How world would have whirled around her if she had become the top news? How she would have survived then? Did she make a mistake by not letting the secret out or was this the only way to live? Over and over again she walks down that lane trying to empty out the baggage, only to realize she was shoving in some extra weight with her each visit. 

Source

While all these hefty calculations were cramming her head he puts in some more thoughts by saying he understands her pain. May be he wasn't so sure. May be this was not his final answer. May be she would ask him again tomorrow if he truly, willfully, honestly and most important, respectfully understands her pain. 

Character certificate??? I am confused!!!

I didn't want to write about "Virginity", may be I thought there was nothing to write about. But I have been constantly reading all the posts and sharing my views on it. There seemed a discrepancy, not in the thought process but with a title itself. hence, thought of sharing a few words.

What are we highlighting here? The title only spoke about women losing virginity being regarded as her character certificate but it's not mentioned under what circumstances.

1. She could be a divorcee or a widow
2. She could have been raped
3. She could have been cheated by man/men in the name of love
4. She could have done it under the pretext of having fun

and so on..

So, multiple possibilities for one topic. Which category are we highlighting here? Considering the Indian mentality especially that of our elders, men do not like women who are touched by others. The moment a girl loses her virginity, she has been certified as impure and no man wants her after that. Yes, they all give a character certificate. Pretty much was being shown in bollywood movies as well, be it Ram teri ganga maili or aapka dil hamare paas hai. Rape, molestation is also not given a pass. These girls, didn't even lodge complaint in police station fearing their image would be at stake. The first question would be, who would marry them??? It isn't that they have been given special importance and men stand in queues to offer them a better life. I live in a town, not a village or a metro. The mentality here is mostly, middle class. And their attitude too. I have seen how divorced women are treated or how men use women to get them to bed only to dump them later. I call it rape by mental manipulation. It happens often here. And may be in your cities too.

Now coming to the 4th point. I believe India is a modern country yet our roots are firm in Indian culture. We believe in modernization but not crossing the level of decency. Losing virginity might not give a character certificate but if a woman or man is involved in one night stands or involved with multiple partners, then their entire attitude and mind set gives a character certificate. What was the necessity in involving such acts would arise as the first question?? May be they are too spoilt or may be they didn't have the right up bringing or may be they are suffering from depression. Yes, if it is because of a genuine reason, then that has to be targeted and resolved and even they should be given a chance to lead a normal life. But if it is only for fun, that is their personal choice but they should ideally never lie or hide it before marriage. A person with their mentality will have no issues with it.

It is a modern world, girls are wearing mini skirts instead of saree doesn't mean that they can walk around naked :) There has to be a limit and there is. But an individual has to decide what they want to do. And yes, their character will be decided based on what they do or most importantly why they do.

(Whatever I have written applies both to men and women.. Just that, women can't hide but men can)

Being molested...

An old man on the street, who often winks at

A conductor, charges more than money for a ticket

A friend on bike, breaks often complaining bad roads

And a cousin, kills the innocence before it blooms

Colleague blocks the way, rubs the shoulders rough

Boss gives a perfect hundred if he gets a hug

That french beard stranger whistles as if I am deaf

His group of friends just find my trail like a pug

That uncle brings home chocolates to stroke my back

Neighbour for a mere sketch, crosses the dignity track

My brother's friend teaches me more than history

Boy friend often wondered, when shall be his victory

And there was the policeman, thought would save

He too looked lustful, like past vengeance in eyes

Finally, after running from all, at home feeling safe

They ask me, 

"What clothes you wear? how do you walk

Can't you look down? Can't you just not talk?

If they touch, can't you disappear in the crowd?

Don't tense us, three more girls and we are not proud"

I gulped it down, the bitter fact of life

I couldn't scream, spit and not even cry

I knew, the night was falling shattering me every single bit

But I had to sleep, to be prepared for the next day's molest