The definition

After getting a complete zero from my mom for my last post (which was about pregnancy), I dare not write again, I thought to myself. But, I feel pleasure when I challenge my mom's ideologies and principles, and show her the newer version of reality forcing her to accept the present era. I know that's never going to happen. If my mom thinks oranges are blue and sky is orange, then that's what she will stand for till her last breath. She won't give up, and so do I. Hence, this post is dedicated to my mother from her rebellious daughter hoping to score one more zero, and also, hoping that some day she will agree to agree with me!!!!

We call it the "generation gap", but I say we need a revised dictionary!!! Of course, Indians have their own dictionary (mostly, mental), and most of the time it makes no sense to me. I strongly believe that this dictionary needs to be revised once in every ten years, to make the life of younger generations more easy (some time soon in the future, my daughter or son is going to throw this statement on my face and rub it all over). Anyways, right now it's my turn!!!

Now let's see the definition of wife as per my mom's dictionary -

"Wife is defined as a WOMAN, who is born to keep everybody happy. She is a/an polite, well-mannered, culturally acceptable, religious, excellent cook, devoted, hard working, and sincere individual. She treats her parents, husband and in-laws equal to god, and hence, services them without anything in response. She doesn't wear modern clothes, and always inclined towards instilling good manners and culture to her children. She sacrifices and compromises and never argues with anybody. She feels blessed all the time for no apparent reason."

Source

We (my generation) defines wife as -

"Wife is a woman, who is married to a man, and is equal to her husband in all domains. She can be polite, if treated with respect. She can be a good cook if her mood permits.She respects her elders, but doesn't allow herself to be treated like a slave. Her clothing, her viewpoints (religious, political) are her own. She doesn't believe in sacrificing or compromising. She feels blessed if there is a reason to feel so."

Definition of wife as per my grandmother -

"Wife is a woman, who is a slave to her husband, and "baby producing" machine. She is dumb and has no take in any family matters."

Definition of wife by future generation (my children or grandchildren) -

"Wife can be a man or a woman!!!"

Can you see how the definition has evolved over time. My mom strongly believed that my grandmother's views were beyond acceptable. My grandma rejected the idea of husband and wife going together for a movie. My mom rejected the idea of me and my boy friend going out for a movie. So, the definition needed to be revised, the norms were supposed to be updated. But, nope!!! Windows came up with newer and newer versions making the desktop look different every time, but we are still stuck with our older definitions.

"Never answer back to your elders, because it's a sin" and my husband politely asked me, what makes you think that elders are always right? He had a point, and a valid one!!! We never question, and accept whatever they say and live by their definition of a "perfect life". Can we redefine it to suit our way of living, and never ever regret for the choices we make. Ultimately, it's "OUR" life, and "WE" are responsible. 

Life at 30!!!

Source

The Indian stereotypical society planned my goal plan the day I was born. Of course, all were sad. I broke the stereotype long before my mom went in to labor. I was born at 5 am and before the sun could really shine, I was the talk of the hospital. We all know, how much the old ladies, (and some young ones, and some gents) love male children. If you ask me, 1986 was a year of crisis. Female children were popping out every other second, and Indians were worried as to who would finally cremate them - "meri aag ko chita kaun dega"? The night of October 10th, saw some light, when five boys were born in a span of 6 hours, along with this tiny female whom nobody cared. So proud - I am her!!! Early morning when my father heard about the miracle birth of 5 male children, he wished to have one (or at least steal one). That morning, he left the hospital without even looking at the face of his first newborn. Eventually, he realized, his daughter was no less than a son, and breaking the stereotype was her birth right!!!

To all my friends, who are not Indians, let me brief you about the plan created by this wonderful society (especially girls) -

18 years - 12th grade

22 years - Engineering or Medical

23 years - Marriage

23 years 9 months - first child

25 years 3 months - second child

28 years - kids go to school, women start working (after sacrificing 6 years)

30 years - House (of course bought by the husband!!! How can we, women???)

till 50 years - kids education, kids work, kids marriage, satisfy husband (primary goal!!!)

50 years 9 months - first grandchild

58 years - retirement

58 years 1 day - live with the children

60 years - hospitals

70 years - long wait till death takes us away and puts us out of our misery!!!

When I reached the 18 milestone, I pledged to create havoc and I am successful so far.

The misery of life is, when you are 25 years old, everybody around you (girls) are married. If your old friend calls you, then you know, by her giggles, that she is getting married to a bald guy with lots of money. Weren't you the hottie in the school???

The misery doesn't stop there. When you reach the 30 milestone, everybody around you is pregnant or already a parent. This is so extreme that you start wondering, what wrong am I am doing in my life? When you are feeling pathetic, people become sympathetic towards you.

"I am sorry. How come you still don't have a child? It's been 3 years of marriage"

Like, I need you to remind me!!!!

And some start scaring you,

"How come you still don't have a child? Don't you know the after effects? Don't you know 30 is the mark, if you cross it, it's dangerous?"

Ah, now the doctor is speaking!!! Din't you fail in 12th grade, hence got married early???

And some start making conclusions,

"You women these days, always on pills!!!"

Yeah, I am on pills for vitamin D, B 12, Iron. Sorry to disappoint you, it's not what you are thinking

And if it's not the pills, you have some problem,

"Why don't you consult a doctor? or tarot card reader? or a magician? Who knows he might bring a baby out of your womb!!!"

Can I slap you woman???

Amid all these my-nose-is-always-in-your-business kind of people, there are some genuinely concerned people. But, by the end after tackling all these nonsense, it's natural to explode!!!

Why is the timeline? Why can't we have a woman who wants to get married late, have kids late and focus on something different. Maybe she just wants to enjoy her life, maybe she wants to grow professionally, maybe she is not ready for responsibilities.That reminds me about the golden line, "You are never ready, you just need to take the plunge." I will take your advice, when I join swimming classes.

Can we for once break the stereotypes, and let people be??? A grown up, educated woman will definitely know what's best for her, and ultimately it's her life and she can do what pleases her. isn't it??

If you think this is torture, stop there, and ask a woman who CHOOSES not to have kids, ever!!!

If my lovely grandma was alive, she would definitely say, "that witch will rot in hell!!!"

Somebody save the planet!!!

Last few words

I stood there wondering how it would have been different
if he did not do what he did
I stood there gazing at the sky; oozing out the pain
I buried all this while, in dark red
I saw the face again, it wasn't him
The man I ran behind when he took on the road
I had no clue to what he looked now
but the image of a shattered past, dissolved
That corner in my heart, yelped in pain
which I had comforted, to see a happy spot
"I wish" "I wish" my heart screamed aloud
but my tears didn't wish to flow out
Every moment was a torture; happy, or sad
every moment made me go wobbling across
Can I meet him one more time and say,
I forgive your sins, to forget my own loss

Let this Valentine's day be DIFFERENT!!!!

I hardly knew this game. Spent all my teenage-phase without having to shoot anybody or color anybody even during holi. I hated the concept. Shooting with colors!!!! I wondered, how ridiculous would that be???

And there comes my husband, one day, knocking our bedroom door, at the top of his voice screaming, "WE ARE GOING TO OPEN A PAINTBALL ARENA IN MANGALORE"

What the @#$*&!!!!

                                            

After almost two weeks since it's kick start, I got an opportunity to visit the arena with my husband and a few friends. I was extremely skeptical about playing, and getting my hands dirty with blood (colors, I mean). So, like a loner, I stood beyond the fence and watched them play and kill each other and then refill the guns and play some more. To be honest, at that instance, I didn't care about the colors or paint, I wanted to go there and shoot some people and make my husband's team win. I was quizzical about their moves and how they should have ideally strategized their game. I so much wanted to be there, in those sexy gear, with a gun in my hand and a mask on my face. I know, I would have looked sexy even with these extra pounds hanging down my belly.

The day passed and the month. I left India and came back to my den, but the thought of me on that field lingered.

Now that Valentine's day is around, I really wish I was in Mangalore fighting my husband on the paintball battle field. The roses and hearts are cliched.

Nowadays, we want something different and not-boring. So, here are my five reasons as to why you should be on a paintball field with your Valentine this Valentine's day -

1. Women like to be treated like princesses, no doubt, but once in a while we also like to kick your ass. Instead of going through the same old Valentine's routine of flowers, chocolates, cards and hearts, go to a paintball arena and do something exciting. Discover the passion, again!!!

2. As a couple you are always on the same side but try to be on opposite sides for a change and see who has got more muscle. Want to vent out the anger of your last fight??? Battle it out and see how amazing that feels.

3. And when you are trying to shoot each other, why don't you break some rules and hug each other and get back to the game again. There is nothing more romantic than being adventurous. Be cautious of the referee though!!!

4. This Valentine's, keep your sexy clothes home and try out the rugged look. The camouflage, gear, mask and the super sexy guns, will up your hotness quotient and trust me, you wouldn't want to take your eyes off your partner. Don't drool for long, as you will be left with little time to play the game!!!

5. Finally, we shouldn't forget the adrenaline rush a game like this would give you. Couple or not, a kick is something we all desire.

After the tiring game, end your not-so-romantic Valentine's day with a delicious ice cream (go to Pabbas) and watch a romantic movie (in city center, maybe).

Spend a day which you and your love will always remember.

Isn't this enough for you guys to go to the paintball field in Mangalore and have some fun???

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Why do we celebrate festivals?

In India, religious or not, we all celebrate a few, if not all, festivals. Festivals give a vibrant feel and the energy seem endless. Somehow, during festivals we manage to wake up at 5 am, do some extra cleaning, and load ourselves with work and some more work. Once we are finished and satisfied with our work, we dress up, wear saris or salwar suits, heavy jewelry and flaunt the never-there beauty in front of camera to upload some selfies on Facebook. We buy gifts, sweets and by the end of the celebration, we stand on a weighing machine calculating how many more kilos were contributed by the extra ghee added by our beloved mothers. Extra few kilos or not, there is definitely an extra sense of happiness and joy in our hearts before, during and after the festival period. 

These are few of my realizations as to why we should celebrate festivals -

1. Break from the routine: After college, you probably, start realizing that life revolves between 8 am and 5 pm. It becomes all about sleeping early, waking up early, work pressure, yet-to-be fulfilled commitments and never reachable dreams. Amid all the strange calculations of saving money, building a house, festivals bring a freshness even if it comes every year. It allows us to forget all the "future plannings" and focus our time and energy in decorating the house, preparing delicacies, eating good food and spending quality time with family. Festivals allow us to break free for one day and live a day filled with laughter, joy and love

2. Make the tummy happy: Indians are foodies and as much as we love our family, we love eating yummy food. In India, for every festival there is a special cuisine associated and it is specially cooked during these festivals. In my home town, "moode", "kadbu", "kai holige" etc are prepared during certain festivals (I am drooling now!!!) and eating becomes a celebration by itself. 

3. Meet friends and relatives: In this no-time-for-myself era giving sufficient time for family and friends gets harder with each year. Initially it's about the new job, then about the new wife/husband, then the newborn, then their schools and exams and hell lot of crazy things associated with them. Festivals give us that "day" where we can peacefully meet and greet people we love and do things we love. Take a box filled with sweets and knock your friend's door and say, "Happy Diwali" - don't forget to look at the smiles on their faces. 

4. Go shopping: Women don't need reasons to go shopping. But shopping for special occasions is something we love the most. So, Diwali ho ya Holi, shopping toh karni hai yaar!!! In India, there are a few festivals where we are supposed to wear new clothes (yey!!!), and we buy gold during some festivals which is considered auspicious (how amazing!!!). These festivals give us a reason to go out there and shop to our hearts content and nope, our husbands can't deny.

5. Treat for eyes: Who doesn't like bright colors, lights, decorations??? No matter how many "slum crammed area" pictures you see on google of India, the moment you type the name of festivals you will instantly fall in love with this culturally rich country. No matter how much we litter all through the year, during festivals we clean up and decorate our country so beautifully that India looks like a beautiful bride. I love to see the vibrant colors and joyful faces of people (who normally sulk!!!).

This is why I love the festivals and festival season in India..

What are your reasons????

*** All the above images are downloaded from different sources via google!!!

I am a feminist!!! Are you???

I am not a feminist because I support women, I am not a feminist because I talk about injustice towards women. I am a feminist because I believe men and women are equal. Having said that, I also believe, women can do all the things what men can do; not referring to flashing chests in public (that's what at least bollywood taught us so far). A feminist believes in equal work opportunities, equal rights, equal pay then I wonder why there is an extra dose of politeness and sensitivity towards women? Why can't men and women be treated equal in all regards? Why is it that a man proposes first? Why is it that a man holds the door for a woman? Why is it considered "good manners"? Is it because in the past we termed it "good manners" just to make women feel comfortable in a male dominated society? Is it because men think women are weak and need helping hands at every step? Or is it because men truly believe women are fragile and require a special treatment? Is it because men believe women are sensitive and hence, superior? Why? Why are women treated differently and not like any other guy? Is there a low expectation or a very high one?

Recently, my husband called me a "Super woman" because I was trying to manage certain things on my own, which for whatever reasons my darling husband thought I won't be able to. I felt happy, proud and after two minutes, I felt sad. This is the true image which most men carry about women. They think we are physically weak and need support and the fact is we take advantage of this.

Being polite is so intricately woven in to the system, that men feel the urge to open the door for women, pull the chair, pay hotel bills and the list goes on. Deep inside my heart, I hear a loud scream, "stop this nonsense". I don't need a man to hold my hand to cross the road. I can pull my chair, open my door and I don't mind saying "let's go dutch tonight". Whenever me and my husband go shopping, I feel equally responsible for the goods and I help him unload it and make it a point to lend my hand at every step. This is what feminism truly is.

If you see a man sitting in the bus, the first thought that hits our mind is, "How rude!!! Can't he get up and offer seat to the woman standing next to him?". But, so far we have never thought that the man sitting might be physically weak and tired compared to the woman. The whole agenda of feminism is about equality, right. If we are equal, why can't we stand? Are we implying that we are physically weak?

In the beginning, it was about how men and women were not equal and how men overpowered women. Then came a phase of equality but I don't know when women started acting superior to men. If we are truly feminist then the idea is about equality. Nobody is superior. You (my dear ladies) don't need extra pair of hands for everything. We don't want "the princess" treatment. We asked for equality and we should be extremely happy if it stops at that.

"Madam ko darwaza kholo"

"Madam ko pehle chadne do"

"Arrey madam ji, aap kyo? hum luggage utha lenge"

"Darling, when I am there why do you need to take this trouble?"

"You are the princess of my heart. I will treat you like a delicate flower" (faint!!!)

I don't want men to be polite with me or treat me like a delicate flower!!! I am a strong, independent and level headed woman, who asks nothing more than respect and equal treatment in all domains. As much as I want my husband to help me in the kitchen, I want to help him when he is fixing IKEA furniture.

I have no qualms if a man opens the car door for a woman but all that I am saying is, let her do the same for him without making it an "eye popping out of the socket" scenario for others. Let us feel equal in every regard, let us be equal, because we are!!!

All the images are downloaded from google via different sources.

Owning a website - hiccups and hacks!!!!

I have always been in that emergency zone of walking before crawling and running even before standing. No doubt, I am born to fall, head over heels!!!!

In less than an year, with less than hundred readers on my kitty, instead of writing more often and complaining less about not having the time to vent out my frustrations through words, I decided to buy a domain and give a new home for the gibberish I write. I was all set to give a brand new look for my hobby or passion, whatever you may call, but something stuck me hard - the designing of the website.

What benefits people from para-medical professions get when it comes to technology? Seriously??? None!!!! The "yey I am getting my own domain" bubble busted right on my face, when I realized I didn't even know what html actually meant. I had decided, and even innocently announced it on my fb page about the new website, which then started feeding on my ego. Finally, after all the umpteen futile attempts, I decided to spend some more money on designing a website.

My email to a web designer had a few highlights -

" My blog doesn't make any money" - so, don't empty my pockets!!!!

"I don't know how to write specifications" - Well, do what you can!!!

"I need a blog exactly like this another blog, with some changes which I don't know how to explain"

and some more syntactically correct sentences, with no obvious semantics, whatsoever!!!

I am sure, my web designer was in a dilemma for a few days as to what "this girl" really needs and to be honest, I had a vague image in my head which became more abstract with each day. So, finally when I got my website (which was like two months ago and I am still using blogspot), I was over the moon. My dream of having my own domain had finally come true. With joy clouding my eyes, I loved every design, every line, every word on my new baby. So, once my love at first sight started to become a horrifying reality, I realized the crack in our relationship!!! I wanted a wider post space, sharing buttons, different background, different color - a totally new design for my website. I slowly became disappointed, like always!!!

Changing the complete design would have costed me extra money, which I was not ready to pay. I did not have the time and knowledge to experiment to give a new outlook. I cried in silence as my new found love, my newborn baby was not even crawling, forget about standing without support. But, like they say - life isn't easy, when I thought of accepting reality and start writing on my new website, it started behaving weird. I mean, weird - weird!!!!

It was hacked!!!!

Seriously??? In just three days???

Who the hell wants to hack my blog???

There are hardly anybody reading it nowadays!!!

But nope, once my web designer set everything right,  it was hacked again and again and finally, my password was hacked.

During this process of hacking and resetting, I designed my entire website again. I loved the final outlook (after 6 different trial designs) and finally, like a proud mother, wanted to boast about my creation, but then, my website was hacked again, which by the way is still in the "f*(ha)cked up" state!!!

My web designer's hosting server was not safe guarded and they told me to host it under godaddy.com which again would cost me some money!!! I had paid them for designing my website and had re-designed everything on my own. My husband seemed furious. He knew this wasn't going to give us any earning and this was just a craze. So, when I told him, we had to move the hosting server, he agreed but his eyes told me a different story -

"How many people even read your blog?"

"we need to be cautious with money; we have to build a house, travel"

"Why can't you just give a new out look to your blog"

"How does having an own domain makes any difference to you"

But he said, YES!!!

After all the hassles, hacking and hosting issues, I decided to keep writing till my baby is born again. Yes, I will be getting my own DOMAIN (no more yey.. thinking about what I have to go through next) but till then, my blogspot is the safest zone.

Two months of waiting made me realize how much I love writing and how much I missed it. Once again, back on my foot, to start my unending journey of words.

***All images are downloaded from different sources via google!!!